I love mindfulness

I don't have strict plans to continue this occupation.  I'm mostly curious if I'm at a point where I'm intrinsically motivated to continue or whether I need strict external motivation like set practice times to continue.  I guess I'm going to experiment with that a bit and see where I lie.  I believe that it will be easy to continue over the summer when there is more time, but the challenge may lie more in next fall when things get very busy again.  

I'd like to evaluate the reasoning of the Mindfulness with Speech Therapy students presentation.  I clearly understood the purpose of the study, to evaluate whether mindfulness is an appropriate tool to counter burnout and boredom in students.  The question was stated and understood as such.  Similar studies were linked and related to other professions both in the school and in the professional environment.  The presenter was clear on the topics.  I could have used a little more elaboration on the five facets of mindfulness.  The presenter just provided one example of each, but this wasn't the focus of the study and time may have prohibited it.  I don't recall assumptions being presented with the data, such as other changes in lifestyle that could have also skewed the results.  The presenter, although faced with data that was not significant, did provide a clear line of reasoning for why the trends were worth noting.  I can't say with certainty that the presenter's point of view showed sensitivity to alternative points of view.  I think the point of the presentation was to show that mindfulness helps students avoid stress and burnout.  I don't think the presenter considered how other factors could have caused that.  Although, she did point out the small sample size.  i am not sure what the question regarding implications is asking.  So I can't confidently provide an opinion on whether the presenter showed a sensitivity to the implications and consequences of the position.  

I think the flow and mindfulness are very similar, though mindfulness in this study was just meditation. Mindfulness can be applied to any activity though.  They both states where one is very focused and the perception of time shifts.  

Also, I think mindfulness is very closely tied to motivation and autonomy.  I think mindfulness can increase a feeling of autonomy.  In mindfulness, one focuses on how one's perceptions and habits to external stimuli affect one's internal state.  You can feel more autonomous and in control of your life when you realize that you have the ability to change how your perceive the world.  Mindfulness can shift the lens from which you view the world and help you realize that you are the driver of your own experience. You have the ability to shift how you relate to the sufferings and hardships of life.  Life is hard.  But, with mindfulness, you can see the hardships in a completely different light and learn to appreciate them.  In this way, we feel like we have the choice to accept them and move forward with grace and strength, or fight them and continue with an internal struggle of sadness and self-pity.  It isn't to say that we ignore the emotion.  We allow the emotions deeply, but without judgement of their meaning or attachment of the emotion to our overall personality.  

In this sense, mindfulness affect's one self theories.  Mindfulness teaches us to accept an incremental self-theory, by teaching us to not judge ourselves.  An entity theorist does just that - judges oneself and capable or not.  An incremental theorist evaluates oneself as having worked enough to meet the challenge or not.  The incrementalist does judge oneself in failure, but not in the sense of judging the self, but judging the action.  This goes a long way in shifting self esteem.  

The ol' guitar is squeaking a little bit more this week

I'm working on my guitar skills for the show and tell.  I am trying to learn a fun song everyone will enjoy... seems like my favorite songs are kind of old and moody.  Also, I'm trying to up my strumming game.  I have only been down strumming but today decided it was time to upgrade to alternate strumming with a pick.  It sounds pretty rough.  I'm not sure I'll have it polished by the first week of May.

Thinking about hope in relation to my occupation is an interesting one.  I think I carry this bias that hope is most meaningful to those in the most dire of straits.  The examples given in the paper are those recovering from severe depression, a CVA, and a very invasive orthopedic procedure as well as adjusting to life in a new country.  Those are all life events that really make you question your drive to move on.  My hope in life wasn't challenged by this occupation or lack of learning the occupation.  I didn't pick up this occupation to overcome something and my hope is tied up more in other occupations in my life that correlate more with my identity or the roles I play in life (like graduating school, teaching my children well, finding vitality in my body which is easily overrun and stressed).  When I face set backs in those larger goals, yes, my hope is challenged.  In playing the guitar, it's not life or death, if I don't continue with this it wouldn't greatly affect my self-esteem or self-concept like not graduating school.  Some occupations are just more meaningful than others and playing the guitar is an occupation of leisure, not an ADL, IADL, social participation, education or work.  Maybe that is saying I don't value occupations of leisure as much as other occupations.  That being said, if playing the guitar initiated flow or was tied tightly to my identity, then loss of the occupation would really challenge my hope and I would have to dig deep to restore the emotional, cognitive and spiritual aspects of hope.  

If my occupation and I were a movie, I think it would be a cheesy love story about two people that were around each other lots and were platonic for a long time, maybe just a little flirty until they finalized realized how much fun they had and that life was better together.  I chose this analogy because it took a while for me to appreciate the guitar.  Also, I guess I see having a life partner and playing the guitar as not 100% necessary for survival but that they both make life more enjoyable in a deep soul-filling way.  Furthermore, both relationships and playing the guitar take some work and a bit of investment.

Lessons on Living

So I haven't played the guitar as much this week as I would have liked and when I finally picked it up, I struggled a bit with it.  My fingers felt awkward and slow.  It hurt again to really push the chords down.  It seems like it only takes a few days for those skills to leave me, which gives me a little more motivation to practice more regularly, even if not for the full hour. 

The information regarding Clark, Ennevor and Richardson's (1996) work relates to my new occupation in a few different ways.  I'm not incorporating this occupation into my life as I recover from a disability.  However, learning the guitar is embedded in my personal story.  I think it sticks out as an occupation unlike most I've done and excelled at before.  I don't have any other music related occupations in my life.  All other stints with musical instruments have been short lived.  So, it could be a turning point if I continue to which I ascribe meaning if it becomes the moemtn I started viewing myself as having slight musical ability (since I've always ascribed myself has having none).  

As I move forward with the occupation and if I choose to embed it into my daily life, I could make a  story about myself with this occupation in mind.  I don't have anyone coaching me through this and helping me evoke insights about myself but I do think that I can identify the symbolic dimensions of increased ability to perform the occupation and I think I can shft my personal identity and reconstruct it to include this occupation without help from an OT.   

In Lessons on Living, More Schwartz seemed to identify strongly with the occupation of social participation.  It seemed to me that it was his most meaningful occupation and he said that once he wasn't able to interact with others, he felt that would be a great signifier of the decline in his quality of life and perhaps it would be time to end his life then.  Once diagnosed, he spent his last months on the planet connecting with others, showing his love and compassion for others, and connecting and forming new relationships.  In his last days, he mentioned he took up a spiritual practice (meditation) to help him address the hard moments ahead so that he may find purpose and peace with the process.  He was able to shift his view or perspective to take on a larger one of being the ocean and not the wave - which exemplifies the idea of meditative thinking (versus calculative).  Despite his painful and trying time, he showed great resilience by not hiding from the topic of death but openly engaging in conversations about it.  He found a purpose in educating and raising awareness to the progression of the disease and spurning conversations around our nation about the process of dying.  All of these techniques made the process less painful and more personally satisfying, I'm sure not only to him but to all those he touched.  

Autonomy and Control

I'm just strumming away at my guitar.  I know I'm making progress but now as I watch other's play I'm completely amazed at their ability.  It has a brought a whole new appreciation to music.  

I haven't infused my occupation into my daily routine, per say.  I just play when I want a break from computer work.  But I think I waffle between autonomous and controlled motivation.  I began the class feeling controlled to practice.  Now I play because I enjoy it but there is the looming external pressure of having to for this class.  At this point in the semester, however, I understand that I probably could get away with not practicing an hour a week.  But I still have the motivation to do it.  I do find enjoyment in the activity.  It's relaxing to sing and play and recreate songs I love (as battered as they are).  The test will be when the class is over.  However, I think there will still be social expectations to practice from my family since they've come to expect it as part of our home or "place".  Specifically, it is part of the room that we spend most of our time in together. 

The Half Man, Full Life video was pretty fascinating.  I can't remember the man's name (Jesse?), but he determined to be fully engaged in life.  He did this through occupation - owning a business and installing satellite dishes, opening a thrift store, marrying, having a child, driving....  I think what related most to occupational science was his form, function and meaning to functional mobility.  Doctors thought it was in his best interest to have prosthetic legs because that was what he was physically missing.  But the reality, as he pointed out, was that they were way too cumbersome.  "Legs" didn't have meaning to him, but mobility and fitting in did.  The prosthetics inhibited his mobility instead of freeing it and while he may have looked a little more like a typical child, he could not move like one and struggled with other occupations like toileting.  While great in concept, the reality of the prosthetics was completely different.  He preferred other modes of moving himself through the environment and did so with great ease, doing things most could not imagine him physically capable of.  

Boredom schmoredom

I spent lots of time over break playing the guitar and I started to feel intrinsically motivated to participate. If my plate were a little clearer, I think I could really invest a lot of time into playing.  I love music and I love learning to play different songs.  I've been honing in on Country Roads and Jolene because they both have basic chords and only 4 or 5 in the whole song.  I started playing bar chords (Bm and F) with some proficiency but it takes me a while to position myself into the chord.  My finger tips on my left hand continue to callous over.  

This song exemplified the view of the one participant who never experienced boredom in Martin, Sadlo and Stew's (2006) study.  This participant had a positive outlook on life, a developed sense of humor, and involvement in many interests.  She lived in a ALF, which some in our culture would view as terrible - especially given the aging in place movement, but she positively adapted to it and was content to spend her days in her small room and occasionally visiting with family or out in the main lobby.  Cantor and Sanderson (1999) quoted Brickman and Coate's 1987 work, that "happy people know what they want and are doing it."  This describes the song perfectly.  They singers are participate in activities they like to do.  Cantor and Sanderson listed the idea of a "right way to participate" as a lingering issue in research.  It is understood that different people carry different values and therefore participate in life differently depending on what is meaningful to them.  The writer of the song incorporates activities that our society would consider as a waste of time and that was a concern of some participants in Martin, Sadlo and Stew's study - that they were wasting time.  However, the writer of the song does not view them as a waste of time.  It's all about perspective.  Finally, the song jests about participating in solo activities that many people would find "boring."  Participants in Martin, Sadlo, and Stew's study found being alone as a precursor to boredom.  However, the writer of this song jokes about preferring to be alone and being content with that. 

Capo rhymes with ... Tape-ooo

I trimmed my nails this week!  I've been keeping them trim so I can better press down the strings... this a change in personal factors to accommodate my new occupation.  I also took the time to google what a capo is and now my music is a little more in key.  The capo is the long clip thing that you put over the neck of the guitar.  

This is probably something I should have noticed a little sooner in my journey because it totally changes the pitch, making the strings higher.  I sound much better now.  

The main resource I need to commit to playing the guitar is time.  I'd guess that is a personal resource.  I also need a guitar (material) and capo! (material) - things we already owned, and part of the reason why I took up the occupation.  I also like to have internet access (material) to look up chords on random songs.  This isn't necessary but is something that enhances my experience.  A personal resource I need is a level of dedication and persistence to the occupation.  If I had a guitar teacher, I think that would be a social resource.  If I had guitar teacher, it would probably lessen the amount of dedication (personal resource) I need to bring because there would be an external driver to practice.  Although I don't have my husband supporting me by teaching or pushing me, the fact that he now picks up the guitar and plays it more is a social support in another way... kind of like a social acceptance  where we are affecting one another indirectly.  All of these things (minus the lack of time) help to ease my participation and therefore facilitate persistence.  

I do lack a clear goal with this occupation.  I guess my only goal is to accommodate the class's demands (an external and not personally driven goal).  Gollwitzer and colleague's research suggests that if I don't create a goal once the class is over, of practicing an hour a week or mastering a song, I am unlikely to achieve my goal of learning to play the guitar.  That research also supports why I haven't really been doing lessons from the lesson book and have instead been setting goals of learning a song.  I find I work better with my own goals and rather than working through a lesson book where goals are not self-created.

In King et. al.'s Resilience, the authors organized factors affecting resilience into three categories: personal factors or characteristics, social support, and a third and less important (for lack of a better word) category- a philosophy of self-acceptance.  Similarly, Cantor and Sanderson's 1999 work said that three resources were needed to persist in participation in occupation when adversity arises.  According to King et. al., personal characteristics are things such as effective problem-solving skills, good coping abilities, and positive view of self.  Social support is supportive families and communities (parents that function well, friends, peers, mentors that promote our ability to cope with life's challenges).  The final resource is an ability to learn from themselves and accept themselves.  Cantor & Sanderson differ in their "resources" in that they do not consider an ability to learn from life or create a philosophy as a distinct resource.  I would ague they likely would categorize this under the "personal resources" category, similar to King et. al.'s personal characteristics.  Cantor and Sanderson also include social support as a resource, however Cantor and Sanderson add a third resource - material or tangible resources.  This was mentioned in Resilience as something that promotes participation - access to medications, wheelchairs, etc - but not given its own category.   

Who am I

Last week I found myself picking up the guitar almost everyday because it's just a fun break from school work... it began to replace the moments I would have chosen meditation or yoga instead.  So, I'm not advancing really but I'm enjoying it. 

As much as I hate to admit it, I do think that societal ideas played a role in choosing my occupation.  I didn't choose the occupation of yodeling.  That would be weird   Guitars are universal and easily understood and accepted in my society.  Plus, we already had one collecting dust.  If I gain enough skills that I feel confident I could share it with others (aside from my immediate family) and that was something I wrote about being a goal in one of my first blogs.  But I don't want to share it in the "watch me perform" way.  I don't see it as a tool to creating an identity of being "the musician" that wants to draw an audience.  I'd never be comfortable with that.  I'd rather have the skill so I can create an environment of peace or joy that music brings and facilitate that joy in others.  I suppose that goes along with the identity I want to ascribe to myself already - one that helps others find peace, joy, grace, and a better connection with self - at least those are my goals for teaching yoga and (hopefully) providing therapy in the future.  And yes, that is dependent upon feedback from society because I can tell when I've taught a yoga class that achieved my goals by the feedback I receive watching the class and then talking to students afterward.  

My posting of a video last week was an experiment in the I versus the me.  I recorded probably 4 or 6 times before I decided that it was "good enough" to share.  The I was playing the guitar while the me   judged on the I's performance.  When I play by myself, however, I'm not sure the me is very present. I mean, I don't do strange things like play the guitar with my toes, but I don't make sure my clothes are clean or that I'm playing brilliantly.  I guess it depends on how you define me.  I do observe but is the me solely observing or is it observing plus placing judgements based on societal expectations?  I observe my progress, change in finger strength or stamina, etc. but I'm not sure if I've compared it to societal expectations.  Has my I perceived my me?  When I'm alone I'd argue me isn't around a whole lot.  But when I tried to record a song, I felt a some stage fright (me) creeping in and affecting the way I performed the song.  This made me reflect on Hasselkus's chapter on place.  Maybe we all need a place or corner where the me isn't really around and I can create/explore/exist without as much social pressure, allowing a most natural expression of self.